I work up this morning feeling sick as a dog, but does it matter, I?m going to work anyway. I slept like shit because I left the window open all night and didn?t want to get up to close the damn then. When my alarm finally woke me at 5:15AM I found Penny sleeping on her back, which was kind of cute, but I thought she had broken it or something. She didn?t, and I am the King of Overreacting.
I?m really sorry there are no recent posting; I have a reason though. Umm, last week I was kind of depressed about life. I was in a retrospective position looking back at the college I have completed thus far, and I kept questioning my loyalty for my goals.
My first and foremost goal is to make sure that everyone around me and I am happy. That sounds a little stupid and sophomoric, but it?s really a goal I believe in because it seems to me that when you are happy, well, things just workout better.
So last Friday I stayed awake in be pondering the question, ?Am I Happy, Am I Happy at Auburn?? The answer is no. I would have been much happier had I chosen to go to school with my friends back in Indiana. It sounds odd for me to say to myself that I?m not happy, because it means I?m failing at my primary goal.
Yet, I believe my decision to come to Auburn and take a completely different route than that of my friends was the absolute best decision of my life. Why? Because I am out on my own, I am doing my own thing, writing my own story and living my life they way I want to. And that, that makes me happy. A contradiction in terms, yes, but a great one at that because I believe it can only have a positive effect/affect on me.
I?ve been using the word sacrifice lately, and I believe it?s a really great word to use in the fact that it implies both losses and gains at the same time. This is what I?m doing at Auburn, giving up something that I love, my former happiness, to gain and understanding of myself with the goal of being a happier person. That is now why I attend Auburn University.
Things are starting to wind down here and I’m getting ready to head back to Auburn. A lot of things have happened over break, for the better and the worse. But I’m going to try to leave all those thoughts behind me now and really bunker down to focus on this coming semester. I know what I have to do, and I know how to do it; it’s all in my hands now.
Furthermore and looking toward the future I’m going to have to cut back and remove myself from some of the things I really want to accomplish. The world is so small when you are young, but everyday I grow older, it seems the world gets bigger and bigger. As well, I know I’m also going to really have to discover what it is I want to focus on this semester. I’m breaking it down to the moral fibers of my life to ascertain what it is will make me happy and that I will enjoy doing. Maybe I’m doing this all wrong or trying to hard, or I’m not trying hard enough.
Sharon, my ex-girlfriend, came over tonight because she said that she needed to ?talk? to me. Well she really just wanted someone to wine to, which I can understand and is cool; I mean I need that sometimes too, so she wined about some guy named Grey and how he got dumped by his girlfriend. I wasn?t really into all of it, but you know, I can listen when I person needs me to. But then, the glass of wine and straight vodka martini kicked in and, I just yelled at her in my own way.
Now you have to understand when I yell, I just rant what?s on my mind, but I really don?t raise my voice, I will just over express what I?m saying. So I get all angry at her for the simplest of all reasons, which I believe she?s throwing her life away. I don?t understand it, this is one of the smartest, most amazing girls I?ve ever know who has their shit together and she is unhappy. Not only she unhappy, but she is miserable and it seems every time I see her it is worse and worse, so I was at the point where I had to do something.
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